"Do you exist? Where in the world can I find you? Can you feel it in your heart somehow that there's something missing? Do you feel incomplete? Do you feel this too...this endless loneliness that I have here in me? Are you searching for me too?"

*Ate (my editor-in-chief in the school publication) tells me that it's not yet my season. Time will come that I will be in my full bloom. Yes, I'm losing all confidence. I used to think that nobody would love me or even like me the way I am. I am not as pretty as those fashionable and confident teens on my age group. And I do envy those who have their special someone. She advises that I should focus on my studies...that I should be happy and contented on what I am and what I have now at present...that I just have to wait and be patient for the right person to come.

I am starting to think of what is really wrong with me. Am I being so impatient or is it just this inferiority complex that enslaves me to a prison cell of isolation...

Ate says that I am so stubborn...that I am so selfish... Yes, I confined her about Mr. Nghi (the Vietnamese professor I met two years ago, during my college days). She's older than I am. She knows many things more than I do especially if it involves the matter of the heart. I trust her... Guess what she told me? She said that I am just detaining myself in the past...in my own illusion...that I should not assume much from him... At the first place, he didn't say he loves me... I am just giving much focus on what he did to me... And why I am treasuring that memory so much? Because he's the only person who made me feel I am important. She said this love is impossible. And even if he does love me, an invisible barrier will always exist between us... he's Vietnamese. . . I am Filipino. We're two different people from two different worlds. And. . . this love will certainly not be possible if only one heart loves. . . it's mine.

It really hurts! Nobody knows just how bad it hurts...

Maybe I've been so selfish...but I've been not brave enough to accept it. I don't own his heart. I don't have the right to have it if he doesn't want to give it to me. I've only been concerned on what I felt...on how I've got hurt. I didn't consider that there are possibilities that he'll be happy without me...that I am not the one who's meant for him....that he has his own life to live by...he has his own mind to decide of what will define his happiness...and he has his own heart to choose whom will he love.

I need to set him free now...I need to let go...although ate tells me that I'd better delete everything that will remind me of him, I will still opt not to delete all my blog entries. Even if I seem to write to someone I know will not respond at all...I seem to write to a person who cannot even read all these sentiments...whom I'm not certain if he cares or if he doesn't care at all, now I can finally have the conclusion. I'm putting an end to this chapter now. Yes, I tore all the letters I wrote him and his photo...but I will just let this entries here...printed as pieces of my heart. I need a new start. I'll keep everything as a sweet memory. Everything that is written in here...in my blog...are the pieces of me.

Everything is a part of me...of who I am. And, I won't ever deny it...

Mr. Nghi "Mr. Tom" Huu Nguyen,

Thank you so much...and I'm so sorry if it took me a long time to realize things. I know now why God let me meet you. And... it is true that God cannot give a person what he wants for certain reasons. I know I can't have you... Don't worry I'm ok now. Promise! You've been an important and a wonderful person whom I met in my life. I'm letting go now... It's time to loosen up my grip. Goodbye...

TAM_Mia Ayala

And... to the person who's meant for me... I know somehow I can find you...you'll find me too. I promise...I'd be patient.

Originally written on:
Wednesday February 13, 2008 - 11:49am

*Ate - a Filipino word used to address an older sister or a girl slightly older than you.

November 13, 2006

My time in Iraq showed me the truth of my beliefs. I believe in mankind -- not gods, not devils, not angels and not spirits. I saw man's bravery from both soldier and civilian, and I saw horror and destruction from them, too. I saw hate and loathing from all sides, and I saw caring for children, rebuilding of hospitals and schools, and feeding the poor. Not by a government but by individuals, by one man helping another man.

As a medic, I went to local clinics to inspect conditions and help when I could. I delivered supplies to schools and relief centers, and Iraqis who knew us would bring us tea and cigarettes. Language was the only barrier, but a friendly smile bulldozed that wall.

I saw men moved by the death of innocents and was with those same men when they killed those responsible. On June 24, 2004, insurgents detonated several car bombs around the city of Mosul, killing over one hundred -- no cops, no Iraqi national guardsmen, no Americans -- all innocent civilians. Cars were covered in blood as if they'd been hit with a paint sprayer. My unit fought Zarqawi-backed insurgents in a firefight that lasted almost eight hours. Then people moved quickly to help out -- Iraqi civilians as well as American troops. But it shouldn't take a war for people to get along.

I don't justify our reasons for this war -- that's not a soldier's luxury -- and I don't justify what the insurgents have done to the Iraqis. But the passion of all sides -- Iraqi, American, ally and insurgent -- shows that if man can redirect his energies to one of acceptance and not intolerance, we can bring the zealot, the politician, the soldier and the outsider to a place where man is just that: man.

Many say that I'm cut off from the real world, but I believe they are the ones missing the truth. For all the death and destruction reported in the news, there are thousands of stories of kindness and caring that no one ever knows.

I believe that by striving for a world that accepts its oneness, we can transform wars, intolerance, religious persecution and political extremism into memory and maybe even folklore.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6479980

Jassz on Aug 28, 2009

Back in 1999, I bought a cheap beaten up car for $200 so that I could drive up to Alberta Canada to attend Art School. The car was in pretty bad shape. The gas gage was broken, it didn't have a tape player, and for some reason it wouldn't drive over 50 miles per hour.

On my way to Art School, I stopped at a gas station somewhere on the Alaskan Highway to buy some gas. When I stopped there I found out that my car needed a small repair - the back passenger wheel was rubbing on the car and they had to weld part of it off so that I didn't wear my tire down or blow it. I had spent the last of my cash on getting my car fixed. So when, 2 miles outside of Fort St. John, I ran out of gas - my only thought was... “Oh Lord and Lady, how am I going to get out of this one?”

I had no money, no gas and I had 3 cats travelling with me. I was sitting in a sort of ditch near my car with my cats on a leash watching the cars go by. One of the cars, a motor home, pulled up and stopped near my car. A gentleman came up to me to ask if I was alright. I said I was alright but that I was scared and I told him my story. He handed me a $20 bill. I said "I can't pay you back." He responded, "you will someday". Then he just left.

Not even 5 minutes later a native fellow who had seen me earlier pulled up and offered to drive me to the gas station. He helped me lift the heavy jerry can and even waited for my car to finally start. He then also handed me a $20 bill and said "Have dinner on me."

I’ve lived a hard life, so somewhere along the road, I had almost forgotten that there were truly Good Samaritans out there. Believe it or not, but a yahoo group that I am a part of, helped me understand what he meant when he said “you will pay me back someday”. I’ve paid him back, and every day if I can, I want to keep paying them both back!

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14439

by AURELIA on Aug 29, 2009

I went grocery shopping today. Isn't it always the way that when it's time to pay all of a sudden the lines are long? I saw one that wasn't too long and quickly jumped into it.

I started loading up my things onto the belt. I had a ton of groceries. As I was loading, I happened to look behind me and saw an elderly couple with a few toys. I told them that they could go ahead of me. They couldn't thank me enough because they were on their way to their great grandchild's birthday party.

As I continued to unload my groceries onto the belt I heard someone ask, "Miss, would you mind if I went ahead of you also?" I took a deep breath and said "Sure, you can go ahead of me". I smiled and thought to myself "if he asked he must have to be getting home for some reason."

I'd almost unloaded all of my groceries onto the belt when I noticed a young couple with a newborn baby crying like mad. All they had were diapers and a few baby things in their wagon, so I asked them if they would like to go ahead of me too. They gladly accepted my offer.

After them, it was finally my turn ... phew. It felt good to offer to two and have patience for one ;-) Could I have said "No, I'm in a hurry" when my conscience was telling me to offer for them to go ahead of me? I'm glad I followed my heart and said "sure, you can go ahead of me."

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14540

Aug 30, 2009

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.' He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.

His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. 'Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik. My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?' Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.'

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, 'Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.' Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.' Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.' I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.

With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.'

I had just witnessed real love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was blind, holding a child who was not.
http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14402

Sep 2, 2009

It’s been a number of years now, but I still remember it - I suppose I always shall.

I was driving around downtown one afternoon in the winter making a few deliveries. I was listening to a band, rocking out, cruising around, and minding my own business…

I came up to a red light and stopped… waited. As I looked over to my left, I saw a young guy, about my age at the time, standing there. He was a little scruffy, pale in the face, and holding a cardboard sign with some writing on it. Generally, I had always just glanced over these signs as I passed them, flicked over anything written on them, and then moved on…

As with most major cities, I’m sure when you’re in the heart of downtown, it’s pretty common to have homeless people on every other corner, holding a cardboard sign with something standard written on them - asking for money. I suppose after so many years, one can easily get desensitized to this sort of thing. In general, you see the person, read the sign if it’s short enough, and make a split second decision that you don’t want to go through the trouble of giving them money, or, you tell yourself you’ve given money before to a homeless person, or you tell yourself that they don’t look like they’re in dire need of money, or some other random split second decision or thought goes through your mind. There are hundreds of thoughts and excuses out there… and we’ve all come up with them before.

So, as in this case, along with the rest of them before, I looked at this gentleman, skimmed over the sign, but this time, I stopped. My mind went blank from all the hustle of the day, and work, and how I had to hurry, and where I had to go next, and what I was doing that night, and how much money I needed to come up with and so on… The world stopped for a brief moment. All I could hear was the song playing in the background - a melodic rock song, sung from the heart. It was a powerful song that just added to the moment. I can’t remember what the sign said exactly but it was something like:

“Need money/food, have stomach cancer, homeless, anything helps. God bless.”

I don’t know why, but for some reason this particular sign struck me. The light had just turned green, and there was a line of lunch rush hour traffic behind me. I went back and forth in my head a hundred times in that next second about whether I should do something. “Should I help? I can’t! Should I ask him if I can buy him lunch? Talk to him? Smile? Drive on? This isn’t my problem. But, it’s bugging me, so I’d better do something. I want to do something…” and so on... "Should I do something?"

I didn’t. I did nothing.

The light turned green, traffic moved forward, and I went with it. About a block or two away, my heart had simply sunk for this guy. I was just lost for words, and felt so bad for him. I knew I probably couldn’t help him really, but I had to see if nothing else, maybe I could buy him lunch. So, I turned around to go back and ask him if I could buy him lunch, talk to him and hear his story.

It took me about five minutes to get looped around and back on to the same street where I had seem him. It was just five minutes - but he was gone.

My heart sunk. I felt so bad that I didn’t act the moment I thought about it at that red light the first time. “Where did he go so fast?” I wondered. He was just gone. I had missed him. So, there was nothing left to do except drive on. I started the song over that had just finished playing the whole time I saw and felt these things. The chorus was what was playing when I pulled up the first time. The chorus was playing when I drove off the second time.

It’s been a long time since I’d thought about this. The song popped in my head the other day out of the blue. It jarred a memory, a thought, a feeling. I hope that man turned out okay. I hope someone else stopped and invited him to lunch at least. I hope someone stopped, and took a moment out of their busy day to talk with this man who may never have seen 30.

I’m reminded of something I once read: “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” I’ll never know. You may never know. But, I urge you this… If you get a special nudge from inside you, seriously consider acting on it. Don’t miss out. For yourself and for that other person.

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14587

Sep 4, 2009

My life currently requires a fair bit of travel but I was definitely surprised by my latest flight as when I walked in I realized that my ticket was in 1st class! This is seldom the case and so I thought it must have been a courtesy upgrade due to frequent travel.

I was traveling with my colleague and remembering a story I had read a few months ago, I quickly decided that I was going to offer the seat to someone else. I mentioned this to my colleague and his response was to do the same! So together, he and I made our way through the plane, Smile Cards in hand, looking for an unsuspecting person to tag. Towards the back, we found a couple unsuspecting young folks and offered an upgrade. They jumped at the chance :)

Once we sat down in our new seat, the woman on the other side of the aisle looked at me and asked 'why would you give up comfy seats to strangers so you can sit back here?' I responded, 'So I could see a couple people smile, and they're not strangers, they're family!' She liked that answer :)

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14743

Sep 4, 2009

There are so many people that for one reason or the other, are sad, alone, and spend many a night in their homes, behind locked doors, and in need of comfort. As you walk down the streets of any city, you might meet a homeless person with his only bed being a cardboard box, spread out on the hard concrete or under an overpass.

He might have lost his family, or his home, or his job, and yet we walk by ignoring him, instead of attempting to comfort him or help in a small way. There are just as many sad people in homes and outside of homes, as there are happy people, and yet, we tend to ignore the sad, and team up with the happy. It’s our nature I suppose.
There are some who are truly ailing here on the helpothers online community too. Please remember them in your hearts and know that they may be comforted by you in some small way. Here are some tips from the heart, I have found have worked wonders to another in need. Perhaps you can try them too.
Stop and befriend someone you come across, who is crying, or obviously in need of comfort, and friendship. Offer a helping hand and have an open mind and listen. Be an active listener until they have finished talking. Think about your response, so that you can help them to work things out for themselves. Trying to fix things for others can be very dis-empowering.
Offer to help, ask them how, and place a hand on their shoulder with permission. This one simple gesture could allow him to feel less alone, but be aware that touching needs to be dealt with carefully and best done only if invited to do so or checking that it is alright first.
Be understanding and compassionate. Never judge them or blame them, even if you feel they should be. Any of us could be in this situation. Be empathic.
Think of yourself, if you were in their place. Perhaps you will meet them in the hospital waiting room. Their loved one might have been in a bad accident, and they might be waiting alone. Sit next to them. Ask them what happened. Feel their pain and show them you do, by your words and facial expressions. Ask them if they will join you for a cup of hot chocolate. They will be so happy not to be alone at this time!
Courtesy and love, gratitude and thankfulness all seem to go together and can make someone’s day very special. Have a marvelous day and know that you are so loved!

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14688

Sep 5, 2009

Last week, on the way back home from my daughter’s school, I was feeling a little down. No particular reason but I was in a dialogue in my mind about this society, the daily crime news, selfish behaviours of our close relations. I was just wondering why relationships have no purity and unconditional love. These thoughts were disturbing my mind.

I was waiting at a traffic signal on a hot afternoon. Suddenly I saw a middle aged woman looking for a bus or vehicle to reach her destination. I just smiled at her and asked her if I could be any help. She came to me and asked if I could drop her at the next corner. I happily opened the door of my car. She was full of sweat and looked very tired too.

When she came inside she was more relaxed. She just closed her eyes for two minutes. I offered her some cold water. She started sharing her everyday routine and her life. I offered my help to drop her till her home. She was surprised as this was very unexpected. But for me, it came like a test for help others. :) During that conversation, she shared stories about her whole life!

When I dropped her home, she invited me in for a cup of tea. She thanked me and told me that it was her luck to meet me when she really needed a lift. She was full of real gratitude. I said bye to her. But that help give me more satisfaction as I was just looking for the opportunity to help someone in need. I thought to myself, "So what if a few people are selfish. We have lots of people who are doing things without any condition.”

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14736

by AURELIA on Sep 6, 2009

Just a little thing...but it felt good.

I was in line at the grocery store and putting my items up on the belt to be checked out. The lady in front of me was waiting to pay the cashier. She noticed that I had bought some yoghurt she had heard about, but kept forgetting to try. She asked me if it was good. I said, "YES it's really delicious."

I offered her to take one. She said, "I've just finished shopping and paying right now." I told her to let the cashier scan it to my order and to just take it. She said, "Are you sure?" "ABSOLUTELY SURE," I said with a SMILE. You would have thought I was giving her a lot of money the way she was so grateful. So 50cents is what it cost me, but we both were happy -- me to GIVE and she was happy that I gave her a chance to try it for free :)

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14724

by sonrisa on Sep 8, 2009

One evening in July, a few friends and I decided we would get together to brainstorm an idea for a local Smile Card event in London -- something we could do as a group to share smiles anonymously and cultivate kindness in our hearts. We came up with a few suggestions and then picked an idea that got everyone excited and moved ahead with planning it – we were going to bake and decorate 200 cupcakes, buy a bunch of sweets, make some fun smile posters and give it all away at Hyde Park! Our little team of 6 people spent a month planning every fine detail from inviting friends to get involved, baking cupcakes ahead of time, buying supplies, getting t-shirts that say SMILE and a banner with a giant Smile Card on it and visiting the park ahead of time to find the perfect spot for the event. A special thanks to Bluebell for sending us a package of her lovely homemade Smile Cards and pay-it-forward wristbands, which would prove to be a huge hit, especially with the kids!

It all came together last Sunday, August 23rd, as 17 of us joined hearts to spread smiles in London! Everyone arrived at our home in the morning, rolled up their sleeves and got busy with preparations for the event: some made colourful posters with fun phrases on them like “Smile, there’s nothing stopping you”, “Give me a smile” and “Help Wanted: Smiles Needed”; the cooking team made icing and beautifully decorated over 200 cupcakes with colourful designs and smiley faces that would be hard to refuse; some wrote inspiring kindness quotes on napkins to serve with the cupcakes; and others planted a GenerosiTree on a big board filled with loads of kindness ideas that people could pick off. We had a brief discussion over lunch to understand more deeply why we are doing this, to review plans for the afternoon including roles and to go through a pre-prepared list we made of questions that passers-by would commonly ask and their answers, so that everyone felt prepared before heading to the park.




At 2pm, we arrived on the Broad Walk at Hyde Park, set-up our goodies, split up into teams and began spreading smiles! The couple of hours provided us all with the ultimate experience to cultivate kindness in our own hearts and connect with people in that spirit! Our afternoon started with a visit from the Police – and no, it wasn’t the parks police -- it was the Metropolitan Police! I must admit, I got a little nervous as I thought they had stopped two of our friends in their tracks and I was worried that the police would ask why we didn’t have a permit to give out food, etc. Only later did I find out that in fact our friends had screamed, “Smile!” at the police in the car to stop them, walked right up with big smiles on their faces and tagged them with cupcakes and smile cards! The police were intrigued by what our friends shared with them, and though they politely declined the offer of a cupcake, they took a smile card and said they’d like to pay-it-forward, as it’s sometimes challenging to make people smile in their profession.

Passersby from around the world (London is indeed very international) stopped by to give us a smile, find out what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, take photos and videos, and to take a smile card along with them so that they could pay-it-forward. Some teams went around the park in pairs with a smile poster and a tray of cupcakes and sweets, while others engaged in lively conversations with people who stopped by the table. We even had a few in-house photographers capturing all of the moments!

Children were so fascinated by the GenerosiTree and loved that they could literally pick off a kindness idea and take it with them to remind them to pay-it-forward! Some people covered their eyes, so as to pick an idea randomly, while others studied all the ideas very carefully before they picked one that struck a chord in them. Other adults and parents came by and said they were so delighted to see people doing something like this – some wondered if we’re there every week! Some were cynical (surprise, surprise, this is London after all :)), but we saw many of the cynics transformed through the course of a heart-to-heart conversation with a friendly person in a SMILE t-shirt and by the end, many had an epiphany of, “Oh, I get it!” with big smiles on their faces. Even Stirling, the adorable black lab, joined us for part of the day playing with his ball with a smiley face!



At the end of the afternoon, we all regrouped for a Circle of Sharing about everyone’s stories and how the day helped them to cultivate kindness, and as you can imagine, it was heart-melting stuff :)

* "B" and "K" met two ladies from America, who asked them to do a video clip for them, so that they could go and show their grandkids, family and friends that "kind people do exist". They were completely blown away by the fact that young kids were out on a Sunday making people smile, just because…
* As "AM" walked around with a smile poster and goodies, some guys stopped him and said, “Hey, I know you guys. I’ve seen you in Central Park in New York!” A shout-out to our friends in NYC for all you do to make New Yorkers smile and spread kindness :)
* Some folks met people who actually paid the kindness forward right in front of their eyes -- from making strangers smile at any cost to hi-5’ing random people in the park, including "J" as she walked along with a smile poster!
* "AK" came across a little boy who smiled big before helping himself to a cupcake and then told his little sister that she had to show her best smile before she could have one too -- and after a little bit of convincing, she did and it was so cute!
* "R" had a lengthy conversation with a typically cynical Londoner, who couldn’t get her head around why anybody would do this. Then as she began to share stories and explain how it all works, the lady suddenly said, “Oh, I get it. It’s like when I leave change in the ticket machine at a train station for the next person to use or when I leave unused parking passes at the ticket machine for others to use.” Rakhee had changed the lense through which this lady sees the world!
* "J's" heart melted when she saw the excitement in children's eyes as they reached over to pick an idea from the GenerosiTree and then share it with their parents.
* "KHD's" day started in a panic as her cupcakes took a turn overnight and she felt horrible about disappointing everyone by not bringing along enough cakes on Sunday morning. And then she said her spirit was completely transformed after arriving to help prepare everything in the morning and even moreso within the first 10 minutes of smile action in the park! Read all about her “day of miracles” in her own words– powerful stuff! A preview of it here: “We went on the entire afternoon giving, and giving and giving...our small bowl never seemed to go empty. In fact, most of us would agree that even when our bowl finally was empty, it was indeed full of smiles and good wishes we received, and small moments of transformation that we experienced. It was indeed a fantastic day, just as I knew it would be. It was the miracle of love, giving and baraka.”
* "J and P" thought the highlight of the day was going to be decorating cupcakes until they got to the park and had even more fun giving them all away and spreading smiles!
* "B" approached a couple, who couldn’t believe that we were doing all of this free of charge and just making people smile! She said, “They took pictures with us and I had to explain the whole concept behind it. We only had one pay-it-forward wristband left and her boyfriend took it. The lady really wanted one because she ‘wanted something to remember us by, the people who do nice things and make people smile.’ So, I gave her my wristband and she was really appreciative!”



We hope this may inspire other Help Others members to try out a local "Smile" event in their area! It's really easy, a lot of fun and an incredible experience to deepen our understanding of kindess in a very hands-on way. Here are some basic steps you can follow to get your Smile Event together:

1. Invite a few like-hearted friends to get together to brainstorm kindness ideas you can do in a group -- pick one that gets everyone really excited!
2. Set-up a quick to-do list online somewhere (we used Google Spreadsheets because it's easy to use) and have everyone sign-up to do different things including buying supplies, scoping out a good location, preparing materials including getting enough Smile Cards, etc.
3. Have all members of the planning team email their friends about what you are planning to do and invite them to join you -- you'd be surprised how many of your friends would love to join in the adventure!
4. If you want to make a banner or get some t-shirts with the SMILE :) logo made, just contact the HelpOthers team like we did and they'll send you the graphics files you can use to get things printed which look super professional!
5. 1 week before the event, email a follow-up note to everyone who is interested in joining with more details including what time and where you are planning to meet, how to get there, what they should/could bring, and generally what the plan is.
6. Before the day, review your to-do list to ensure everything is ready to go.
7. On the day, get together at one place to prepare everything (eg. in this case, we got together to decorate the cupcakes, make smile posters and make a GenerosiTree). It's great to involve everyone in the preparations so everyone has an opportunity to put their love and energy into making it all happen.
8. Once preparations are finished, get everyone together to talk about random acts of kindness, why you are doing this event (the focus being on cultivating internal kindness in our hearts and not on external outcomes of how people react to our kindness). Review detailed plans for the second part of the day and allocate roles so everyone knows the part they will be playing.
9. Head out together, set-up and begin spreading smiles!
10. Once you are finished with the main activity or you run out of whatever you are gifting, sit together and do a Circle of Sharing about the wonderful stories throughout the day and how the event helped everyone to cultivate kindness.
11. Clean everything up (very important so you're not uninvited back to wherever you've set-up) and head home smiling :)
12. Post the story on HelpOthers to share your adventures and inspire others to do something too and keep the ripples of kindness going!

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14692

Sep 8, 2009

I was in a big hurry today, I had to be somewhere before noon and the traffic was terrible. As I was making my way through the traffic I saw an old man ahead standing by the side of the road. He was standing on one leg and trying to gesture to the passing cars, with the hope that one of them would stop. No one stopped. He looked very sweet and my heart felt so sorry that he had to stand like that in the terrible heat. As soon as I approached him, I put my hazzard lights on and pulled over. He was surprised to see a woman, and was reluctant to even peep into the front window when I lowered it.

I called out to him: "Baba where do you want to go? Why don't you get inside. It's so hot for you."

He still seemed a little shocked but he opened the door and got into the seat, I adjusted the air conditioning for him and then we started on the journey.

He kept thanking me and blessing me all the way, saying "may God be with you and may you do well always". He was a retired army officer and he said he had been waiting for over three hours.

I thanked him for his blessings and asked him where I should drop him off. He said "I am sure you are a busy lady, so let me get down here. It will be easier for me to get a taxi in this busier area." "Here?" I asked. "You will have to cross this busy road and walk a little further up to get the taxi from here" I told him. He smiled and said "Don't worry. I will cross over slowly." I replied and said to him "if you were my father, I would never let you cross this busy road with these speeding cars. Don't worry, I will take you to the other side and wait with you until you get a taxi" I said, not caring that I might miss my noon deadline.

We found him a taxi and he got down bid me good bye, thanking me and blessing me again.

I then rushed on to where I had to be. As soon as I got in, I got a call from my husband saying his company had won a big contract. This was a very big achievement because my husband's company was brand new and usually these contracts are awarded to established companies. I was so happy. I had done one small kind thing and in return we had got so much.

I took my husband shopping that day to celebrate. We bought him a new briefcase and two new shirts. We got a third shirt free as part of a special offer in the shop. My husband has asked me to gift the shirt to someone to share some of our good luck.

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14586

by alluneedislove
Sep 10, 2009

A few months ago I decided to take my daughter on a little fun weekend trip to Melbourne (Australia). We enjoyed a beautiful day at St Kilda beach and, after hours of walking around, decided to sit down on a bench near Lunar Park to have a little rest. We noticed a duffle bag behind a bush but there was no one around so we assumed it must have been stolen and dumped behind the bush. There were clothes, books, university documents and lots of other bits and pieces in the bag. We found a wallet with some cards and ID but no cash.

The bag belonged to an 18-year-old girl. She had put a tag on her bag with her address and phone number on it, so I called to let the owner know I'd found her bag and arrange some way to return it to her. The girl's mother took the call. She was so relieved I'd phoned. She said her daughter had gone to the beach that day when someone stole her bag. The poor thing had to find her way home in nothing more than a bikini and towel and they lived in Kinglake, which is an hour outside of Melbourne. I told the lady we were leaving the next day to fly back to Queensland but I could leave the bag at the hotel where we were staying for them to pick up the next time they were coming to Melbourne. The mother said it might take a week or two, but she was so grateful and appreciative we were making such an effort to return the bag. Ten minutes later the father called to thank me again and said his daughter would be so very relieved to get her things back.

We returned back to the hotel after carrying the bag around for the rest of the day. I thought about the poor girl and remembered times when people had stolen things from me and how bad it felt. I had an idea. I put $100 and a note in her wallet that said: "I'm really sorry your money was stolen so I decided to put a little cash back into your wallet to help restore your faith in human decency. All the best."

A week later there were terrible bushfires in Victoria (the worst in Australia's history) and Kinglake was one of the towns which was almost completely destroyed. About 200 people lost their lives, hundreds were injured and many lost their homes. I remembered the girl from Kinglake and wondered if she was still alive. I couldn't remember her name and hadn't kept any of her details and I probably couldn't have contacted her anyway because her home was most likely destroyed. A few days passed and I just couldn't get her out of my mind and still wondered what must have happened to her.

Then it occurred to me to call the hotel to find out if anyone had picked up the bag. I was told the bag was picked up the previous day, which meant the girl had survived! I was so happy to know that and even happier that I'd put that money in her bag. It would have meant so much more to her since she most likely lost everything in that bushfire. It was probably the best way I'd ever spent $100...

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14822

Sep 10, 2009

A few nights ago some friends and I went to dinner at a little hole-in-the-wall Mexican resturaunt that we all like. A few minutes after we arrived, an older couple about 76 came in and wanted to sit at a table that was not clean. I found it kinda' odd since there were 5 tables clean and ready to go. Just as this thought ran through my mind, the lady said that it is their table that they always sit at. We all heard it and smiled. I lookled over at them and I smiled and they did not smile back. When we payed for our meal, we decided to pay for their meal too. I wass soooo excited to do this. We told the waitress not to tell them anything and to just let them know it is taken care of. She agreed and off we went. I was laying in bed that night wondering if they liked it or if they were surprised. Then I realized it didn't matter -- what mattered was that they got something they wouldn't have expected and it hopefully warmed their hearts. It sure warmed mine.

http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=14555

You might think that the goal for children to be moderately physically active for 60 minutes seems like a lot of time. Life does get in the way, but it doesn't have to.

Make getting more physical activity a family project. Encourage everyone to think of fun things to do to get up and moving, get off the sofas, and away from the screens—especially doing things as a family.

There are hundreds of ways to enjoy physical activity together as a family.

* Bike to the library together
* Walk or bike to your children's sports events to cheer for them
* Have your children come to your sports events and cheer for you
* Celebrate special occasions—birthdays, anniversaries—with something active, such as a hike, a volleyball game, a Frisbee™ match
* Train together for a charity walk or run

Keep a family activity log

Encourage everyone in the family to take part and keep up the good work by posting a physical activity log on the refrigerator.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/wecan/live-it/family-time.htm

By Clara Moskowitz
posted: 10 April 2009

The three astronauts currently living aboard the International Space Station are more than mere space explorers. They're also dedicated fathers working hard to keep in touch with their families while on the ultimate work trip 200 miles above planet Earth.

Expedition 19 commander Gennady Padalka, a Russian cosmonaut, and flight engineers Michael Barratt of NASA and Koichi Wakata of Japan have all left important people back on Earth.

Barratt, a first-time spaceflyer, spoke to his wife and each of his five children on March 28, shortly after arriving at the orbiting laboratory, which will be his home for about six months.

"Happy anniversary, and thanks for letting me do all this," he told his wife Michelle, since the occasion happened to be their wedding anniversary. "It was an awfully fun ride. I know we're going to miss you all but it's going to be a terrific 200 days up here."

Barratt's daughter Meeta told her father she was really proud of him, and then admonished him, "Don't break anything!"

"I'll try not to," he responded with a laugh.

Family at heart

Astronauts have said that the separation from their families and friends during long space missions, and during the even longer training periods on Earth, is one of the hardest parts of their jobs.

Barratt told reporters that talking to his family from space was a moving experience.

"I have two daughters and three sons to go with them and it was just wonderful to hear their voices up here," he said. "I think that they all sweated along with me during these years of training, and I think they've all had a pretty good idea of what it all meant to me before I launched. But seeing the launch actually, and seeing me come through the docking hatch and meeting people that they also know up here — we've all gotten to know each other and are great friends — I think it was incredibly meaningful for both of us. "

Aboard the space station, astronauts have an Internet Protocol phone to call their families whenever they have time, and can also communicate through video links and e-mail.

Padalka, a veteran spaceflyer, has three daughters — Yulia, Ekaterina and Sonya — with wife Irina.

After arriving for his second tour of duty on the ISS, Padalka spoke to one of his girls. "I already miss you. I love you, my sweet little girl," he said in Russian.

"Say hi to all the crewmembers," his daughter responded, according to a translator. "Hugs and kisses, Dad."

Wakata, who is serving as his nation's first long-duration astronaut, has one son, age 10, with his wife Stefanie.

Astronauts in the past have occasionally had to miss important family events going on back home.

In 2004, NASA astronaut Michael Fincke was orbiting the Earth as an Expedition 9 flight engineer when his second child, daughter Tarali, was born. He spoke to his wife by telephone during the delivery, but had to wait until he landed four months later to meet his daughter for the first time.

Fincke recently completed his second tour of duty on the space station as Expedition 18's commander, and landed safely in Kazakhstan aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft on Wednesday.

In December 2007, NASA astronaut Daniel Tani's 90-year-old mother died in an auto accident while he was completing a long-duration stay on the space station. The astronaut had to grieve from more than 200 miles away in orbit, until he came back to Earth about two months later.

http://www.space.com/missionlaunches/090410-dads-in-space.html

1 January 2008
By Tori DeAngelis

Starting your psychology career is one of the most exciting—and stressful—times of your life. It's also a period when many early-career psychologists take on new personal responsibilities, such as marrying, starting families and caring for aging parents.

Pulling this off is a lot like spinning plates, and the field's expectations don't make it any easier, says Carol Williams-Nickelson, PsyD, associate executive director of the American Psychological Association of Graduate Students (APAGS), herself working at APA and raising a family.

"There's still a pretty strong undercurrent, especially for women, that career needs to come first if you want to advance," she says.

Other factors make this scenario even more complex, other early-career experts say. For some women, it's the ticking biological clock; for many men, it's changing roles in relation to family and work.

Capt. Jason Prinster, PhD, whose internship led into his current job heading the mental health clinic at the Nellis Air Force Base in North Las Vegas, reflects this attitude.

"Three years from now, my wife could be the one making more money, and I could be the one taking the kids to work and working part time," Prinster says. "I don't think my dad ever had that thought 30 years ago."

Yet to some extent, workplaces still stigmatize men who openly say they value family as much as work, which puts such men in a bind, Williams-Nickelson adds.

Given these complexities, it helps to get advice from people on the front lines. Early-career experts recommend that you:

• Communicate. It's Psych 101, but it's true: Good communication greases the wheels of family sanity, other early-career experts say. A case in point is Jay Robertson-Howell, PsyD, a psychologist at Seattle University's counseling and psychological services center who is raising two young children with his partner, veterinarian Travis Robertson-Howell, DVM. He and Travis make sure to talk about each other's needs, but also the needs of the family and their professional concerns, Robertson-Howell says. As time pressures mount, it's easier to avoid hard topics: "We constantly have to remind ourselves to keep at it," he says.

• Negotiate. A central tenet of good communication is agreeing on the particulars of duties and schedules, other early-career psychologists say. While couples arrange these basics in different ways, it's important for both people to discuss and agree on the arrangements and be willing to tweak them as necessary, Prinster says.

For instance, Prinster and his wife, Colleen, had many discussions before deciding to split their duties along fairly traditional gender lines, with Colleen staying home with their two children and Prinster bringing home the paycheck. "We talked a lot about our respective roles and made peace with that, at least while the kids are young," Prinster says. "That's really helped. I don't feel guilty working all day, because I know we've already talked about what she expects and what I expect."

• Schedule time for your family and yourself. Make sure to ink in family time as an explicit part of your schedules, adds Kristi Sands Van Sickle, PsyD, who is starting her career as an assistant professor at the Florida Institute of Technology and is raising a young daughter with her husband, retired business executive Paul Van Sickle.

"We carve out family time so that even if I'm really busy, we have one day on the weekend when we're all together," says Van Sickle. The two also plan regular visits with Paul's two children from a previous marriage, who live about an hour away. "It's important to put in extra effort to make sure they feel included," she says.

Schedule time for yourself, too, for exercise, hobbies or just to regroup, advises Robertson-Howell. "Sometimes we get going so fast in this society that we forget about that."

• Trim the excess. Just as important as good communication is a strategy many of our parents advised us to use: Boil things down to the basics, Prinster says. He and Colleen went from being a couple that pursued many individual interests before they had children, to a team that pursued their family's interests, he says.

"I work to make money to support my family, and I spend time with my wife and kids," Prinster says. "Beyond that, only the things that are really, really important get the resources." That applies to money, too: Colleen works at their children's cooperative preschool in exchange for reduced tuition, and they cut out cable TV—a sensible move, because "we don't have time for TV!" Prinster says.

• Pick a job that makes sense. Some early-career psychologists consciously choose jobs that may lack outward razzle-dazzle but offer reasonable hours, decent pay and good boundaries. To spend more time with his partner, David, and their young twins, Seth Williams, PsyD, left a job that expected him to be on "24/7, 365" to one with more reasonable hours and expectations.

"If the kids are sick, I can leave any time if there's nothing life-or-death hanging on it," says Williams, associate director of clinical training at the online graduate school Capella University. He got lucky with his supervisor, too: She has a family and "walks the talk" of work-family balance, he notes.

• Get more creative. While there's nothing wrong with traditional job trajectories, other early-career experts say it's worth thinking outside the typical career box to accommodate family needs.

Although her graduate program emphasized academic careers, Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, chose to write books and have a small clinical practice instead. The combination allowed her to work and meet the needs of her four children.

"It gave me flexibility," Kennedy-Moore explains. "If a kid was sick one day, I could handle that and just work harder the next day." It also proved a smart career move: Her books have been published by major publishing houses, and she's garnered many therapy clients and speaking engagements as a result.

• Find support. Relying on trusted others is vital, whether it's fellow moms or dads to vent with, or relatives or babysitters who can give you breaks, Van Sickle says.

But your most important support may be your spouse,so nurture that relationship, she recommends. "Paul is my anxiety barometer," she says. "He's better at reading when I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed than I am."

• Put family first. You only have one chance to raise your children, says Williams-Nickelson, who has two young daughters with her husband, psychologist and attorney David Nickelson, PsyD, JD. An avid careerist before she had children, she was overwhelmed by the strength of her feelings toward her girls and now knows they will be her top priority for a long time.

"I feel like I've given a lot to my career and to the profession, and now it's time to give to my kids," she says.

Williams-Nickelson adds that she now understands what mentors advised her in the years before she had children.

"You can have it all," they told her. "Just not all at once."

http://www.apa.org/monitor/jan08/makingtime.html