7/18/2009
by Miguel G

I was travelling by car from Alicante to Valencia with some friends, we had not slept for two days. I was depressed that weekend due to my family situation at home, which was problematic, my mother suffering from schizophrenia, with periods when she was very bad, making for continuous tensions and problems at home . The situation affected me a lot. That weekend I took MDMA (Ecstasy), I don't know how many tabs I took over the two days we were "celebrating", actually I felt no effect from them, as I could not get my worries about my mother's condition out of my head. In the middle of the journey home one of my friends did some quite big lines of cocaine, something which was not to my taste normally, but at this time I didn't care about anything and I sniffed a line. Straight off I felt a huge rush, as if all the tabs of MDMA I had taken without feeling the effects suddenly kicked in at the same time. My pulse started to race, I was scared and tried to get the attention of my friends who were dozing off, but I couldn't. My pulse was racing more and more and my mind was lucid, more lucid than ever before, and I realized this was not good, my heart would not be able to hold out.

That was when I thought: How could you be so stupid, you've finally done it, damned drugs! and I saw how the person in the front seat turned round and looked at me with a very scared expression, then I felt a sort of explosion in my chest and my heart stopped. My sight misted over and I left my body like a gunshot into the darkness. I was very scared and fully conscious that I was dying. I thought that in a few moments everything would be finished, as the state of lucidity I had for the moment must be from the adrenalin which my body had surely secreted due to panic. Suddenly I found myself floating, I could hear and feel a sort of vibration, a buzzing, very pleasant and relaxing. I realized that around me were floating some strange and colored globes, very bright and strange, spinning on themselves slowly and all moving in the same direction as though pulled by some force. I looked in that direction and there was a warm, brilliant, white light.

Then I couldn't take my eyes of the light, all my fear and anxiety disappeared, I felt as if naked, as though the depths of my soul and my thoughts were uncovered, with nothing further to hide. The feeling of peace was indescribable, and I noticed the light begin to pull me towards it just as it was pulling the strange globes. I let myself go, the light getting bigger and bigger as I got closer, and just before I went into it my mind recovered its clarity and I knew that once inside I would never come out. My thoughts were crossing my mind at tremendous speed, actually they were not random thoughts which I was gathering to form an idea, I don't know how to explain this, they were like avalanches of ideas which came to my mind, I thought I could not die, that people needed me, that I was very young and I had important things to do.

Suddenly I again felt the same sensation as at the beginning, I was shot at great speed and found myself floating in a sort of dark abyss, where I could hear heartbreaking lamentations and suffering. I could feel thousands of souls who were suffering and lamenting, trying to cling to me, but not with the intention of taking me with them, rather they were trying to get out of the abyss. The feeling of fear and anxiety came back, then suddenly I seemed to be floating in space with the image of planet Earth in front of me. Although it looked beautiful, the feeling was awful, I felt all the suffering which was in it, I felt how sick it was and that the sickness was growing, I felt egoism, violence, I felt how humanity was getting further away from the spiritual world and this was infecting it with a sort of cancer, and that this would bring consequences, not as some kind of divine punishment, rather by its own process of cause-effect. Again I felt the sensation of vertigo.

I opened my eyes. I was lying on the hard-shoulder of the road, one of my friends, a girl, was trying to resuscitate me and the others were around me, very anxious and holding their heads with their hands. They told me I was not breathing for about 2 minutes, which didn't seem much for everything I went through, but the fact is I lost the notion of time. On the way to hospital I was silent, thinking about what happened, and in fact my life has completely changed, since now I keep my spirits and hopes up, no matter how great the problems I'm facing. Since that day I take more interest in spiritual things than material things, and always keep an attitude in life of honesty, respect and helping my fellows.

http://www.nderf.org/miguel_g_nde.htm