I've been writing you so many letters before though I know you won't even read them. I guess I would never be tired to do so because you are not here to tell you what I've been keeping in all this time...

You know, I've been so afraid of what you might have thought on me after that kiss a year ago. What I mean is I was so worried you might have thought me cheap or not descent for just letting you kiss me that way... I didn't know that a Vietnamese man could kiss a woman when he likes her... And the woman would respond if she feels the same way, too. A man here in the Philippines could not just kiss a woman unless she is already his girlfriend. So I guess now you know the reason why I ran away form you after you have granted me that kiss I would never ever forget. I would never forget it not because it was my first but because I already loved you when you did that to me... It may sound funny but it's true. But do you know what had hurt me more? It was when you said you were not certain of what you really feel for me. Yes, I understand that we didn't have much time to get to know each other better so you could say that...

I thought it was just a simple school girl crush which led me to do such a crazy thing as asking a friend to get your cell phone number. You are a professor; I am just a student... You are a Vietnamese and I am just a Filipino... that stopped me to be known by you. I thought you would never befriend me if you find me not pleasing in appearance. But eventually you didn't just teach me how to become a "better me" but you also taught me how to fall for you... how to love you... The moment you kissed me was when I had imagined what my life would be with you after two or three year’s time... I know I may not be that woman you were dreaming of before to marry but that was what I felt... Those very minutes when your lips were kissing mine, I felt so safe yet so confused of what people might say about me. If only I could turn back time I would've embraced you so tight and told you how much you mean to me...

A year has passed but still I haven't forgotten you. I didn't know Ate Huyen was working for my fate all along. So now you learned the other half of the truth...

The other half is... since you've been away, I've always thought of how I could make you proud of me. When you asked me if there were changes in me, I answered yes but you just don't how much I have changed... I wouldn't become who I am now because of you. But I was just frightened to tell you because when you learn that I am already doing great, you might think I won't need your encouragements... and that would make me might lose you again... I might lose our only communication... that you won't need to guide me anymore... I know my achievements are only a small potion of what you have accomplished... but all of those little achievements are because of you... I become more positive, confident and enthusiastic but I was just afraid to tell you so... I guess that is because I still see my self so small to deserve your love...

Now you know within that one long year, never did I forget you... you were always in my thoughts and in my heart... I am sorry if I did tell you this but I think by now I am following my heart... Don't worry about me... I know I can't have you or even your heart but always remember, no matter where you maybe... a heart in this corner of the earth where I am standing would honestly love you so deeply... and that heart is mine...

Yes, you are that "star" I have mentioned on my status message when I got myself online weeks ago... You are that very "star" which I think could never be mine... A "star" that I think would never shine its brightest to someone like me...

I am glad you have talked to me again. I would like to hear your sweet voice again but please understand that I am still so shy... I know that would not make any sense to you for I don't even see you... But you know I believe love doesn't require eyes to see or even ears to hear because even if I don't see you or I can't even talk to you, I know deep within me... I love you! Mahal kita Mr. Nghi! Now that you know the truth I guess I should start to learn how to forget you though I don't even know if I can...

Always take good care of yourself for I don't know what on earth I would do if something happened to you...

I missed you so much and I love you... though I don't know if you feel it for me, too.


TAM_Mia Ayala :(
Originally written on: November 9, 2008
Monday 2: 00 pm