When I was 15 I had an experience that would stay with me forver. I was adopted at 10 and the thought of pleasing my new family was overwhelming. I tried out for the highschool softball team and while running to try outs tripped over my own cleats injuring my arm, I diddn't make the cut.
The thought of letting my new parents down was so harsh and devistating I went home and finished off a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Kaluha. The next thing I remember is my dog licking the vomit out of my mouth ( he probably saved my life) I was choking on my on bile. From then I stood next to myself watching everything that happened. My mother called the paramedics and I remember watching as she was slapping me in the face screaming for me to wake up and them putting me on the stretcher and following it to the ambulance. Sitting next to myself in the ambulance was strange I can recall everything the medic had said to me, "I'm sure you have pretty eyes why dont you open them for me?" but I remember exactly what he looks like. When I got to the hospital I was in an alcoholic coma. At the same time I could say there was something different then just a coma, I had a choice. Keep standing there or something I dont think I really can explain.
I dont talk about it with anyone because I'm not sure they would understand. But I'll never forget that "calm" that I felt, it was absolutely warm and beatiful.