Here I sit at 3.00 in night to write a story. I am 23 and this incident started when i was 20 and we broke up when i was 22.

Well, few years back I used to visit Yahoo Answers a lot. Its a website where you can ask and answer on various topics, it was fun for me because i can answer the way i want and get replies from many people. I made many friends there. I met a girl there in Spirituality Section, and her avatar was kind of cute,(I know i must be crazy to like an avatar of her) but still i was attracted to her. Then don't remember how exactly we started talking, but we talked sometimes through mail, but not much we talked, we just got to know each other.

I was in college then I had stopped visiting Yahoo Answers for 2 years. Then again I frequented the site, there I see this girl again, and she said Hi to me. She came very less on this site, so I talked with her whenever she came and I started waiting for her to come. One day we started talking and we couldn't stop, we chatted for almost 7-8 hours. And we became good friends. From that time she used to come daily and I too came daily for her, and we chatted through Yahoo answer messages only. Slowly she began waiting for me and whenever I didn't come she used to say "I'm happy you came! I thought you wouldn't come today". That girl was really beautiful from inside, never seen another girl who is as beautiful from inside.

Then we got really close and I developed attachment for her. Daily we began talking, nearly daily and that too for many hours altogether. One day she was serious and said "We should stop talking", it was like i was dying with pain, I inquired "why?", she replied "I want to be always with you, but its not possible, I might have to marry soon(In India we have arranged marriages where Parents look for a suitable boy for a girl)". This girl was a older to me by 4 years so she thought our relationship is not possible. I don't know why but i was shattered and cried and convinced her to stay. She stayed with me and talked usually, but she would fight sometimes and become angry and cry, i would cool her down with difficulty, but it was fun to do that, i felt she was cute to be so short tempered and emotional.

We chatted for many months. But she always knew nothing would work out between us, and she kept on saying "We should talk less", so one day I said to her "OK, we will not talk now for 7 days, lets do that" While she agreed to that, she said lets chat today last time before we don't talk for a week. While chatting she got all emotional and said "I want to talk to you forever, please don't leave me." But I convinced/forced her that we should not talk for 7 days, and she was behaving like a baby repeatedly saying "Please don't go, I miss you" etc etc. I thought it would be easy, but the second day of not talking to her, I was so depressed and anxious that I could stand in one place and was walking here and there continuously, and I messaged her, she replied "Only Two days and you couldn't stop your urge?", I said "I am sorry, i will control myself", she said "Be rock solid". I tried but couldn't, on same day I messaged her again saying "you are very harsh with me", then she talked to me and I said to her that I was very emotional for her and missed her very much but she didn't understand me. Then she realized her mistake and cried and said she wouldn't leave me.

Meanwhile, her course studies were getting affected, and she was failing the course which she joined. But I insisted her to talk with me and talk daily, crazy as i was in attachment/love. I got selected for a Job at a Software Firm, and had to leave there. One day I went out to party with my friends, and she was waiting for me since long time, the moment i came here I messaged her, she was depressed and cried because she realized that I was enjoying my life while she was prisoned/attached intensely to me that she couldn't carry on with her normal life and had to depend on me. Then she said she wanted to start a new life and asked me not to talk to her saying that she wants to start her life afresh. Then I asked her to marry me. She agreed, I was elated. She said she would ask her family spiritual teacher and hope that he agrees. I said i would talk to him. Within few days there occurred few incidents which she interpreted as her spiritual teacher's "No" for our marriage, then she asked me not to consider marriage and all.

I had to leave to other place for training regarding work. It was a hige setup on the outskirts of another city where we had to learn and stay, Internet was not allowed and we didn't have time to do anything else than studies. I had to walk 30 minutes to get to internet centre, we had classes till 5.30 and worked till 9.00. And we needed to get back inside campus by 11.00 or we get fined. SO I didn't have time to talk to her, but job was nothing compared to her and I wanted to talk no matter what, and mailed her "I have to walk 30 minutes to come to Internet center, but still I can come any time for you, just call me whenever you are free and I will come". She interpreted the mail in a wrong way and thought that after making her stay and asking her to talk even though she had studies and wrecking her studies by making her talk many hours daily, I am being selfish to avoid her and give more importance to my studies than her. And she left finally, forever.

I know I didn't narrate it so well. But my friends, believe me Love is a pain, it is a wonderful feeling I agree but the pain is unbearable. Sometimes I think I am not suitable for her, she is a much better person than me, whereas I am just weird. :-) :-( ...

Be Strong